Elena Nemilova is originally from St. Petersburg but has been living in Italy now for sixteen years. In Russia, she graduated in Engineering, a faculty she didn’t like but that her family imposed on her. Today she is a psychologist and helps women and young people with migrant backgrounds who experience the drama of social exclusion and view their foreign origins as a stigma. Her own path was difficult, the beginning of which was very similar to that of her patients. But after that, however, she managed to become a model of successful integration. In addition to working privately, supporting foreign minors with learning difficulties and school integration, Nemilova also collaborates with the Vitaru association, which has been engaged for years in supporting Russian-speaking women in Italy, to which she provides professional advice pro bono. Her experience is of self improvement and tells of a different aspect of immigration, highlighting not only the shortcomings of those who host but also the unconscious thinking that limits those who arrive.
How important is it for your foreign patients to have a successful model to be inspired by?
“It is very often what makes the difference, to see that I myself started in conditions similar to theirs and that this does not only apply to women. Omar, a 15-year-old Lebanese patient of mine, lived at the school with enormous communication anxiety. He did not speak Italian well and had built a trench of isolation. When I pointed out to him that I also make mistakes in Italian, but that I learned to consider it one of my characteristics and not a defect, for him it was a huge step forward”.
How does your personal story differ from theirs?
“Many Russian-speaking women have a family structure in mind that leads them to wait for a man to take care of them, the savior. Many replicate this dynamic even once they arrive in Italy, think they can’t cope on their own and end up in a nightmare of loneliness and dependency on their husband. But I also married an Italian man, on whom I depended economically”.
Katia is a Ukrainian patient of mine, victim of economic violence by her husband. He refused to let her have a family reunion with her daughter who remained in Russia and, in the face of Katia’s protests, stopped giving money to both her and her daughter, effectively locking her in the house
But is it just a matter of money?
“Not exclusively. These unsupported women, whose husbands are sometimes violent and prevent the creation of a network of new affections or who often relegate themselves to the role of mothers and wives, have to face the linguistic and bureaucratic barrier that Italy puts in front of you. My patient, Katia, did not fully understand her legal position in Italy, she did not know that she could apply for citizenship or organise her family reunion with her daughter herself”.
Italy also has a communication gap…
“Blaming the society of the host country, when actually the problem lies with them, is a fairly typical trait of my patients. Foreigners often make the mistake of not opening up to Italian society, which I consider to be very welcoming and colourful. From a bureaucratic point of view, however, it is not so good, navigating your way through the red tape is difficult even for those who speak Italian. The facilities are there but they are poorly publicized, foreigners do not know they can ask for help or to whom to turn”.
And how do your patients experience integration into the world of work?
“In Italy it is difficult to find a job, if you are a woman or a young person it is even more so and if you are not Italian it is sometimes impossible. Diplomas taken in other countries are often not recognized in Italy and foreigners, especially women, give up work. Many times the origin of their dissatisfaction arises from not having fulfilling work”.
Valya, a Russian patient of mine in Italy for 19 years, thought her life in Italy was causing her depression, her husband absent for work, to her older children now independent. She wanted to go back to Russia but with therapy she realized that what she missed was teaching dancing. She had to take a new diploma to do so but now she’s back following her passion
How do you see the future for new generations of foreign origin?
“I may seem optimistic but with the pain I had to overcome to get here I allow myself to be. Those who host must be able to help orient foreigners, to simplify procedures and teach Italian. The real help, however, comes from ourselves and as long as we look for it outside we will always be controlled by someone else, unable to realize ourselves”.
Translated by Adam Clark
